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But first, her (and us. And me).

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Nirvana Rain speaks with Tamar about what inspired her to start her brand, But first, me.

[00:00:16.775] – TAMAR:
Hey, everybody, we are in a — I don’t want to tell you what we’re missing, but we are missing something very monumental to do this podcast recording. I’m not going to say anything further, but just saying that I’m keeping it at that. I’m so excited that I am spending my time with Nirvana Rain instead of with the presidential stuff. I’m just leaving it like that. Not saying anything further because of course, this goes online a little later. Yes. So I have never Nirvana Rain, she is near the White House area. Talk to me. Where are you. Tell me about [everything]. Thanks for coming. Go for it. Hello. Hello.

[00:00:55.985] – Nirvana Rain:
Thank you for having me, Tamar. My name is Nirvana Rain and I live in the DMD area, so I am literally in the middle of it all right now.

[00:01:10.235] – TAMAR:
Is it crazy there right now?

[00:01:13.925] – Nirvana Rain:
Um, probably, you know, but I kind of—I don’t really watch the news like that. You know, I kind of try and stay kind of like in my own little bubble just to kind of try and stay sane, because there’s a lot going on right now and can be, like, really heavy. Yeah.

[00:01:32.285] – TAMAR:
So that’s that’s that’s what I notice. And it’s like I love Twitter, but I hate Twitter because it’s meeting of the minds, but I’m trying to start following topics that are just not political because there is a sanity function of that. And I mean, I think that well, I don’t want to say because I don’t want, I don’t opine politics too much here. I think it’s just safer not to [laugh] do anything and have anything and let it even—obviously, I know what’s going on in the world. It’s like you have to know. But like, you can’t let it define how you feel about anything, because otherwise that’s just it’s harder. It’s definitely harder for you, you’re not going to sleep at night. I actually had someone cancel a podcast in the past because she’s like, I can’t sleep. This is “the elections are happening.” And I’m just like, I totally empathize with that, but I’m like, thank God, I don’t let that affect me.

[00:02:36.915] – Nirvana Rain:
Yeah, yeah, well you do what you can do right, like self care is so important and that’s going to look different for everybody, so you just have to figure out what works for you.

[00:02:53.175] – TAMAR:
Yeah, exactly. So this is the way you know, there’s something that somebody has to get hung up on. It shouldn’t be. That is basically it is a self care thing because at the end of the day, this is like politics is potentially the most polarizing thing out there. I mean, it’s the first three letters of the word. Yeah. All right. Well, cool. So tell me give me a little bit of background on who you are and like how we connect, because it was like very random and it was awesome. And we had a good chat in the past. So give a little context about that.

[00:03:30.125] – Nirvana Rain:
For sure, for sure. So like I said, my name is Nirvana Rain and I am the founder and CEO, of But First, Me, which is a self care and self love brand that encourages you to show up every day as your true, authentic self first. So the way me and Tamar kind of connected was I’m very new to this space. And, you know, I was just looking for ways like like just getting started with my brand. And so I Googled self-love, self care. And she came up and I thought her story was very interesting. And I’m like, I want to connect with her. And so I reached out and thankfully she reached back and then she one thing led to another and we connected. And then she’s like, can you be in your podcast? And I’m like, of course. And so now I’m here. So just really excited. Really, really excited. So thank you again for having me. Yeah.

[00:04:31.265] – TAMAR:
I’m so happy that you’re here and I’m so happy that that happened. And I mean, it’s a great story. I mean, I’m glad you found me here on self care on Google and I’m trying to think to make my site [rank] for that. I think you saw one of the articles that was [about me] and it’s definitely it’s like this is the start of hustle. You know, you really got to figure out how to make all these things work together in tandem. So, yeah. So tell me a little bit [about yourself]. I know you started this brand, But First, Me. But you had a little bit of a trajectory that was a little different than your your expected trajectory. You were working in a different context before. Talk about a little bit about like how you came into this and where you came from.

[00:05:10.685] – Nirvana Rain:
Sure, so my background, I’ve always been in a health and wellness background. So I am a massage therapist. I’ve been practicing for a little over 10 years. Prior to that, I worked in a chiropractic office. I also just recently got my fitness instructor certification. So really excited about that. So again, just fitness and wellness, health, all those things. And so this whole But First, Me idea literally came about when I was getting a massage, which I really don’t get them as much as I should, but I’m definitely doing better with that. And I was talking to my colleague as he was working on me and he was talking about like self preservation. And, you know, we got on the self care thing. And then I was like, you know, like, it’s so important to just prioritize yourself. And then I’m like, you know, But First, Me. And then I’m like, oh my gosh. But First, Me. And it just totally resonated. And I kind of like sat on it for a while, like a good while.

[00:06:31.865] – Nirvana Rain:
And then, I… Well, let me rewind a little bit too, because I’ve also had a history of not showing up for myself first, and it didn’t serve me at all. I was constantly putting people’s needs and wants, prioritizing their needs and wants before mine. And it caused me to kind of resent myself, resent where I was in life, resent who I was. That kind of led to like some bouts of depression, some alcoholism, so things of that nature. So I kind of just got to a place where I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. And I was like, no, more like, I can’t do this, I’m not doing this. But first me, like, for real. And so that’s just kind of where I am right now. And so, like, I’m running with it, like I have to. Look, I know too many people who are like are in the same predicament that I was in and it just wasn’t a good place. And I was just like, we really need to do something about this. Right? And so I’m like, I’m starting this brand, you know, I don’t know what it’s going to look like. You know, again, it’s just very new. But I’m just going to get started. I’m just going to get started. I’m just going to start encouraging people to prioritize themselves every day, you know? So that’s just kind of where we are.

[00:07:59.705] – TAMAR:
Yeah. Yeah. So I think that’s great. It’s also it’s one of those things. I mean, it’s three simple words, but when you actually hear it, when you actually start playing it in your mind, like you did, like all of a sudden it’s like, wow, it actually is a very profound and you don’t realize that. So it’s a little bummer that you were sitting on it for so long because it’s something that like I think we need here and we needed to hear earlier, but at the same time, this is the right time to watch. This is the time. This is our time. This is. Because I mean, think about it, everybody’s like cooped up at home and we’re not really where we’re focused so much on the schools and the work at home and we’re dropping everything to make sure we’re still able to put food on the table. But are we putting food on the table and making sure we’re getting a bite out of it also.

[00:08:49.195] – Nirvana Rain:
Agreed, agreed, for sure. Yeah, and a lot of times we aren’t, we are, you know, and like you said, there are just three simple words, but just such a profound meaning. And I love like I’m currently rocking my But First, Me shirt and is just it allows me to keep it in the forefront. You know, it allows that very little reminder, you know, and I even go to bed, I even go to bed in it a lot of times, just so when I wake up. I know. Oh, But first, me! Right? That’s the first thing I’m doing. I am pouring into myself first. I’m caring for myself first.

[00:09:30.925] – TAMAR:
Right. And it’s really interesting because the way you kind of are wearing your shirt proudly is like how I kind of wear perfume. I have that pride. Also, when I wear perfume, I put I go to bed wearing perfume, I wake up in the middle of the night and I sniff my wrists just to give myself a little bit of grounding, which is weird. But at the same time, it’s very important. When I wake up, sometimes it lasts, sometimes it doesn’t. And if [it doesn’t], I put on [more] perfume. I wanted to say something about that because, a lot of people know that my story is perfume has basically saved my life and took me out of a very bad depression. But I’ve been preaching this since I launched my perfume brand unofficially in May. December was a very hard month for me. December was a month where I wasn’t actually desiring to show up, not willingly, it wasn’t an intentional thing, but all of a sudden, things started falling by the wayside and I wasn’t putting on perfume so much. I was really resolving to make December a great month. But whatever happened, it just didn’t work. And I [finally] said to myself, December, I’m going to let it all out. I’m going to let it loose. I’m not going to put on perfume. Things started falling apart [then]. When January came along, I said to myself, this is a new year for me. It’s a new decade because I just turned an important age. So I said to myself, things have to be different. And I decided to show up every single day. I wear perfume, different [fragrances] or otherwise. And I mean, the difference is like literally night and day. It’s like almost like I could have fallen into the depressions that I’ve been in the past in December and I was headed in that direction. But I showed up and it totally makes a difference. And it could be, having that shirt wearing would probably solidify that and drill that more in. There’s really important ways and it’s very beneficial to just do that. And a lot of people aren’t seeing that. And that’s also the same thing. That’s an affirmation. In my bathroom, I have I have a sign on the wall that says “Be Awesome Today” because these things are very important and we just need those subtle reminders. They’re so subtle because you’re obviously not looking down at your shirt all the time, but it’s there. And once you have it, you become the embodiment of that. But you have to make sure that you’re receptive to suggestions and not let it fall by the wayside which is what happened to me in December.

[00:11:56.335] – Nirvana Rain:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love it, I love it. Congrats for honoring yourself, you know, to show up every day and what people need to understand, showing up is going to look different, right? [It] is going to look different. And that’s OK. But as long as you show up every day, that’s it. That’s it. Every day just show up, just show up as your best self, as your authentic self. Yup, you honor yourself every day, every day, and it doesn’t have to be like this whole big like “I have this whole self care, self love regimen.” It doesn’t it could be something as small as like a five minute meditation. Right. Or a 15 minute walk.

[00:12:40.755] – TAMAR:
Or a whiff with your wrists, I say that meditation—I’m not a meditator, but I think that meditation is that practice of mindfulness. You can practice mindfulness in other ways. For me, it’s literally taking that moment of just breathing it in for two seconds, not even two seconds, one second. And then it makes a difference. It has a profound impact throughout the day. It’s funny because I’m really trying to compete against those places, the meditation apps. That’s why I raise it.

[00:13:13.785] – TAMAR:
I don’t know if you’ve read this, but it’s really the similar sentiment on Reddit. There is a post called Non-Zero Day. There’s a subreddit called the Non-Zero Day. But the inspiration behind that subreddit, it is a guy who was like, “I can’t like I don’t think there’s going to be things that I [can do], I don’t think I could show up.” And this [other] guy is like, “this is what you do. It just has to be different. Like just do something. You might be zero today. We wake up, we’re zero. But you need to get stuff to move to one and make sure you actually against the whole idea of showing up.” It was one of the most profound things I’ve ever read. And I kind of feel like maybe I should just read it out loud in this in this it’s a little lengthy, which is why I kind of don’t want to do it. But at the same time, I think it might be really beneficial to do.

[00:13:57.665] – Nirvana Rain:
Do it, do it, do it, do it.

[00:14:01.905] – TAMAR:
Let me get it.

[00:14:06.045] – TAMAR:
Let me see. All right, non-zero day, OK, this guy was like I said, his guy was doubtful about this thing. Again, this is lengthy, but forgive me and I think it’s important to hear. All right, this guy, I think his name is Ryan responded, “Ouch. Sounds like you’re having a tough time, Max. That sucks. I’ve been there, so I kind of know what you’re talking about. I’ve been in ever circling vortex of self-doubt, frustration and loathing. It’s no bueno. I know. If you don’t mind, let me tell you a couple of things. You could read them if you want. Read them again later, if you feel like it. But honestly, man, if I spent all this time typing it out to you and you don’t let it be a little tinder for your fire well, you’re just letting both of us down. And you don’t have to do that. You don’t have to do anything, but you get to choose.

[00:14:49.165] – TAMAR:
Who am I? My name’s Ryan and I live in Canada, just moved to a new city for a dream job that I got because of the rules below. I owe a lot to my success, a lot of my success to people, much cooler, kinder, more loving and greater than me. When I get the chance to maybe let a little bit of help out, it’s a way of thanking them.

[00:15:06.915] – TAMAR:
Rule numero uno, there are no more zero days. What’s a zero day? A zero day is when you don’t do a single fucking thing toward whatever dream or goal you want or want or whatever that you got going on. No more zeros. I’m not saying you got to bust an essay out every day. That’s not the point. The point I’m trying to make is that you have to make yourself, promise yourself that the new system you live in is a non-zero system. Didn’t do anything all fucking day and it’s 11:58 p.m.? Write one sentence, one push up, read one page of that chapter. One. Because one is non-zero.

[00:15:37.725] – TAMAR:
You feel me? When you’re in the super vortex of being bombed to your pattern of behavior is keeping the vortex going. That’s what you’re used to. Turning to productivity ultimate master of the universe doesn’t happen from the vortex. It happens from a massive string of consistent non zeros. That’s rule number one. Do not forget.

[00:15:55.135] – TAMAR:
AHHHH. I don’t know. This is rule number two. It’s in French. Lie Duke semi wriggly or something. Yeah, I learn French. It’s a Canadian thing. Please excuse the lack of accent graves but let me get into rule number two. Be grateful to the three yous. What? Three mes? That sounds like mumbo jumbo bullshit. Newsflash, there are three yous, homeslice. There’s the past you, the present you, and the future you. If you want to love someone and have someone love you back, you got to learn to love yourself. And the three yous are the key. Be grateful for the past you for the positive thinking that you’ve done and do favors for the future you like you would your best bro. Feeling like shit today? Stop for a second. Think of a good decision you made yesterday. Salad and tuna instead of a Big Mac? Think your younger me. Was yesterday a non zero day because you wrote two hundred words? Hey, that’s all you can muster? Thank you, younger me. Save up some coin over time to build that sweet thing you wanted? Thank you. Second part of the three mes is you’ve got to do your future self a favor, just like you would for your best fucking friend. No best friend? You do now. You got two: its future you and past you. Tired as hell and it can’t get off to reddit, video games, and the interweb? Fuck you present self. This one’s for future me. I’m going to rock out P90x Ab Ripper X for seventeen minutes. I’m doing this one for future me. Alarm clock goes off and bed is too comfy? Fuck you, present self. This one’s for my best friend, the future me. I’m up and going for a 5K run or twenty five meter run. It’s got to be non-zero. Make sure to thank your old self for rocking out at the end of every single thing, every. single. thing, to be clear, that makes your life better. The cycle of doing something for someone else (future you) and thanking someone for the good in your life (past you) is key to building gratitude and productivity. Do not doubt me. Over time you should spread the gratitude to others who help you on your path.

[00:17:37.395] – TAMAR:
Rule number three. Don’t worry, I’ve got a “TL;DR” this bad boy at the bottom. Get a pencil, a piece of paper, write it down. Seriously, you physically need scratch marks on paper.

[00:17:45.675] – TAMAR:
Forgive yourself. I mean it. Maybe you got all the knowhow, money, ability, strength and talent to do whatever it is you want to do. But let’s say you still didn’t do it. Now you’re giving yourself shit for not doing what you need to to be who you want to. Heads up, champion. Being disappointed in yourself causes you to be less productive. Tried your best to have a non-zero day yesterday and it failed? So what? I forgive you, previous self, I forgive you. But today, today is a non-zero masterpiece to the best of my ability for my future self. This one is for you, future homes. Forgive this man. Use it. I forgive you. Say it out loud.

[00:18:16.575] – TAMAR:
Last rule number four is the easiest and it’s three words. Exercise and books. That’s it. Pretty standard advice. But when you exercise daily, you actually get smarter. When you exercise, you get high from endorphins. Thanks, body. When you exercise, you clear your mind. When you exercise, you’re doing your future self a huge favor. Exercise is a leg on a three legged stool.

[00:18:36.615] – TAMAR:
Feel me? As for books, almost every fucking thing you’ve ever thought of or felt or gone through or wanted or wanted to know how to do or whatever has been figured out by someone else. Get some books, Max. Post to reddit about not caring about yourself? Good first step. Not zero day thanks younger me for typing it out. You know what else you could do? Read Seven Habits of Highly Successful People. Read Emotional Intelligence. Read From Good to Great. Read Thinking Fast and Slow. Read books that will help you understand. Read the bodyweightfitness [sub]reddit and incorporate it into your workouts. How’s them pull ups coming? Reading is the fucking warp whistle for Super Mario Three. It gets you to the next level that much faster.

[00:19:14.205] – TAMAR:
That’s about it, man. There’s so much more when it comes to how to turn non-zero these into hugely non-zero days, but that’s not your mission right now. Your mission is non-zero and forgiveness and favors. You got thirty six essays due in twenty four minutes and it’s impossible to pull off? Your past self let you down big time, but hey, I forgive you. Do as much as you can in these twenty four minutes and then move on.

[00:19:31.305] – TAMAR:
I hope I helped a little bit, Max. I can write about this forever but I promised myself that I would do a fifteen minute run while listening to A. Skillz Beats Working Vol 3.

[00:19:38.595] – TAMAR:
Got to jet. One last piece of advice, though. Regardless of whether or not you’re reading this for the first time helps make your day better, if you wake up tomorrow and you can’t remember the four rules I just laid out, please, please, please read this again. Have an awesome fucking day.

[00:19:50.225] – TAMAR:
How about that?

[00:19:52.175] – Nirvana Rain:
Wow, I love it.

[00:19:54.815] – TAMAR:
It’s really lengthy, but it’s so worth it. I’ve never read it out loud, but I’ve referred to it a lot in the podcast.

[00:20:07.565] – Nirvana Rain:
Great, well thanks for sharing and please send that to me ASAP.

[00:20:11.335] – TAMAR:
Yeah. Yeah.

[00:20:11.795] – Nirvana Rain:
I need it in my life. I need it in my life.

[00:20:15.035] – TAMAR:
OK. All right. It’s so important. I think everybody needs to benefit from that. All right. Yeah. So tell me a little bit about, you kind to refer to this a little earlier, but your rise above adversity, maybe it was I’m not sure if this is your defining story, but tell me a little bit about that.

[00:20:38.955] – Nirvana Rain:
Well, yeah, back to that, like I was sharing with you before, again, just having a long history of just not showing up for myself and because of that, not liking who I was and not liking where I was in life.

[00:20:54.465] – Nirvana Rain:
And that’s because I was prioritizing everybody else. Everybody else’s needs, everybody else’s wants, from families to friends to strangers, you know. And so that didn’t allow for me to show up for myself or be there for myself. Right? So, yeah. So really, it caused a lot of resentment and caused some depression, you know, I was trying to cope with alcohol and that didn’t turn out too good. And so again, just really hitting rock bottom and just being in a place where I’m just like, this is not working. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be this person anymore. And I don’t want to, you know. And so I was just like, no, more like I’m not I’m not doing it. I’m not. And again, this is this is I’ll be honest, this is really new, you know, and like because we’re creatures of habit, it doesn’t happen overnight, you know? But I feel like I’m taking my life back, you know, I feel so much more empowered now by telling people “no, I’m not doing that anymore,” you know? And there are times where they’re actually a lot of times I’m just like, you know, I go back and forth, “well, should I?” Or, “you know, well, they kind of need help.” But I need help too! You know, I’m not where I need to be. And to some, that might sound very selfish, but I’m really not, I know that for a fact. But I’m just in a place where I just have to prioritize me right now. It has to be me. And that’s what I’m choosing and that’s what I’m encouraging all my listeners to: but first, me! Everyday, every day!

[00:22:50.535] – TAMAR:
I mean, it’s so important to recognize that, we need to. Self care isn’t selfish. It actually makes us more appealing individuals for ourselves and for everybody around us. And I think that that is something that’s lost upon most people that, all of a sudden, if it sounds like you’re doing something for yourself, you’re putting everybody by the wayside. It’s actually just the opposite because you’re making yourself more, likable. If you’re, if you feel like crap, chances are that nobody wants to be your friend. [laugh] But if you’re actually feeling good for yourself, maybe you’ll attract others. It’s “like attracts like” here.

[00:23:32.115] – Nirvana Rain:
Yeah, I agree, I agree for sure, make total sense.

[00:23:37.845] – TAMAR:
Yeah, yeah. So all right, so let’s talk about But First, Me, then. Let’s talk about your self care, OK?

[00:23:44.595] – Nirvana Rain:
What is it that you want to know?

[00:23:46.605] – TAMAR:
What do you do for self care?

[00:23:49.015] – Nirvana Rain:
OK, so for me, my thing is it just depends. But I like to start my day off first thing in the morning, But First, Me, [as] soon as I open my eyes. First thing, I’m thanking God for another day. Then, what I do is I’ll give myself like the biggest hug. I tell myself, Nirvana, I love you. Good morning. Today is going to be a good day. And that’s how I start it off. I just totally set my tone. I heard somebody refer to it as a Miracle Morning. I like that. Have you heard of that?

[00:24:31.395] – TAMAR:
Yeah. Yeah. There’s a book by Hal Elrod, there’s a community on Facebook. Yeah, there’s a book. It’s by this guy, Hal Elrod. He almost died in a car accident and then came out of it. And he is amazing. He created a crazy movement. And it’s all about gratitude, all these things. So, you totally need to read the book. It’s a very small book. It’s an easy read. And there’s either a lengthier Miracle Morning or there’s a six minute Miracle Morning. But I personally, I think it’s wholly relatable, just not wholly relatable in the morning. I do most of my exercise, for example, something I do at night. And I feel great about it because I basically spread out my Miracle throughout the day. But it’s totally a movement. And he’s created like the Miracle Morning for like Entrepreneurs, the Miracle Morning for Real Estate. I have no idea how that works, but I’ve read the Miracle Morning, period, and it works really [well]. It’s a it’s a great thing. And I became very [involved]; he has like a journal. So you fill out your “how you feel,” because journaling is part of it. And I used to do that, but now I have an app for my journaling. And yeah, it’s pretty, pretty amazing stuff. You totally need to check it out. And the community online, I mean it’s probably easy to find the Facebook group The Miracle Morning.

[00:25:53.115] – Nirvana Rain:
Right. Well, thanks for that. I’m definitely going to check that out for sure. So yeah, thanks.

[00:26:00.775] – TAMAR:
Yeah. The Miracle Morning Community is what it’s called. 291 thousand members. I remember joining, there were like 40 thousand members. So it’s really been building.

[00:26:12.195] – Nirvana Rain:
Nice, nice. I want to check it out. Thank you for sharing.

[00:26:19.365] – TAMAR:
So keep going. Keep going. Tell me a little bit about your But First, Me and self care and your Miracle Morning, if you will, because you’re doing it. So you relate to it.

[00:26:30.405] – Nirvana Rain:
Yes, so I am doing it, you know, some days are honestly better than others, so it just depends. Like today. I haven’t gotten past the hug to myself. I love you. It’s going to be a good day. Once we jump off this podcast, I’m going to go get it in. Probably do a nice two mile run, I’m up to two miles. I’m excited about that. Woohoo! Go me. Yeah, I have an accountability partner and that’s good too. You know, just having accountability partners. I find that, that, that’s just helped me when it comes to certain self care goals. Another thing like yourself, I have a journal, I’ve actually I have a book too. And the title of my book is I’m So Fucking Awesome. I actually got it on Amazon and it is a hundred empowering affirmation and journal prompts, so I sometimes journal and that, or I have like another book that I use to journal. Another thing that I like to do is I do a little bit of yoga now and then. Also back to the whole working out thing with me getting my group fitness training certification, [I] have a couple of clients that I train, and so it’s kind of like, while I’m training them, I’m training myself.

[00:28:05.235] – TAMAR:
So it’s perfect. It’s like a win win.

[00:28:08.485] – Nirvana Rain:
Absolutely. It definitely is a win win, so it makes me make sure I get my workout in for the day. So, yeah, it’s a win win, like you said. What are some other things that I like to do? I love candles and I recently added them to my line. And so I like to just burn them randomly. I like when I’m showering, I’ll take a nice candle in there. And then sometimes when I’m journaling I’ll light a candle or like if I’m listening like some music, like I love to listen to music, I love to dance. That’s another one of my little self care things that I do for myself, like dance parties. And I’ll just blast whatever I want to jam to, like as loud as I can. And I have like a three year old niece or she’ll be three at the end of the month and she’ll come here and rock out with me and we’ll  just jam out and just like have a good time. So I like to do that. So yeah, those are some of the things that I do for self care.

[00:29:16.345] – TAMAR:
That’s so that’s so cool. Yeah. You gave a lot of people a lot of variety and the accountability partner thing is important. I think that’s actually raised in the Miracle Morning. Again, I joined the group. Like two or three years ago, probably four years ago at this point, and I mean, obviously the I don’t remember the nuanced details of the specifics of the Miracle Morning, but I’m pretty sure accountability has a lot to do with it, so I think it’s great. I think it’s really important. Right now as an entrepreneur, I’m part of a few accountability groups just for that. And accountability—you need a community. And I’m starting to realize this and I’m going to make this a little more philosophical than anything else. But I do a lot of family genealogy. And I notice that, I try to learn about my cousins. A lot of people are interested in the ancestors, but I’m actually interested in the descendants. It’s more insightful to me to learn about the descendants. And it’s sort of a little scary. But I stalk—I don’t want to say stalk them. But I learn about who they are on Facebook. And I notice that those who don’t identify with community like are more publicly overtly struggling on a platform like Facebook than if they [identified with] a community. It’s weird to say that. So I mean, any type of community that you have is so important, whether it’s an accountability buddy, whether it’s a religious community, whether it’s a Facebook group where you identify with runners, whatever it might be, you know—fit[ness], like anything, I think it’s so important to have some sort of accountability to yourself. You have to you can’t just sit there and lurk in that it. And all of a sudden you’re going to say, “oh, I call it a day.” You really need to be consistent with your actions in that community. And that makes all the difference. And you’ll feel better for yourself. But also, like I think it has it has a lot lingering effects that goes far beyond, it’s profound. It’s pronounced in your life. It’s hard to describe. But, yeah, everybody needs to have some sort of community, whether it’s one one person community or like a larger community.

[00:31:33.465] – Nirvana Rain:
I agree because it’s so much bigger than ourselves. Yeah. You know, it’s so much bigger than ourselves, so much bigger than ourselves.

[00:31:40.785] – TAMAR:
And posting on Facebook and just seeing people’s public pain, you know, the people who are watching you are not necessarily [friends], like they’re just like observers. They’re not identifying, like that’s not that’s not a community, just posting to your wall saying, “I need this and I need this help. But I’m like, struggling again.” I think you would have a lot more you would have a better sense of being embraced and have a sense of belonging, if you had something where you were, you get what you give to it, so you have to give to it. And I speak to that. I speak in that context of having been depressed and feeling that my community wasn’t giving back to me. But after the pandemic, I felt like I was part of my community, because this is how I thrive, working from home. I’ve been doing it for 15 years. This to me, was easy, an easy adjustment for me, it wasn’t an adjustment at all. So I was able to just take up a notch and like helping my real physical community here, my locals, and I know people were suffering, but I used to think that my locals were like against me, I struggled with that. And just being able to help them in a way, I realized that why would I want something from them when I wasn’t contributing to them in the beginning? But now that I’m giving to it and I’m contributing something to it, I’m so happy that I’m part of this community. I never would have thought that way in the past. It’s really interesting dynamic. So being outside of a community and within a community really makes it such a big thing. So accountability is so, so important in whatever way you do. But you have to kind of show up to yourself in that context as well, then decide to yourself, but to the individuals who surround you.

[00:33:25.765] – Nirvana Rain:

[00:33:27.525] – TAMAR:
Yeah, cool. All right, let me ask you one last question.

[00:33:33.855] – Nirvana Rain:

[00:33:33.855] – TAMAR:
If you can give an early version of Nirvana Rain some advice, what would you tell her?

[00:33:41.255] – Nirvana Rain:
What would I tell her? It’s a really good question. Let me get a second to get my thoughts together.

[00:33:51.935] – TAMAR:
This is this the loaded question, the Common Scents question.

[00:33:59.225] – Nirvana Rain:
So I would tell Nirvana Rain to trust herself to trust herself fully, to be kind to herself, to be forgiving of herself, to love herself. To put herself first. Always. And show up for herself, her authentic self every day, every day.

[00:34:34.815] – TAMAR:
I love it, I love it, I think it’s so important. I think most people don’t do that and they don’t they don’t put enough faith in themselves. And there’s a really, really important quote that I read about this that said, “when you care about yourself as much as you care about what other people think, you will change your life.”

[00:34:52.915] – Nirvana Rain:
Oh, read it again, read it again!

[00:34:56.695] – TAMAR:
“When you..” Sing it, right? “When you care about yourself as much as you care about what other people think, you will change your life.” Stop caring about other people.

[00:35:09.375] – Nirvana Rain:
Love it, love it, love it, love it.

[00:35:11.925] – TAMAR:
Cool, cool. All right. Well, where can we find you and your products and everything and learn more about everything you have going on?

[00:35:19.245] – Nirvana Rain:
Well, thank you for asking. And I’m happy to share. So I am on Instagram and you can find me: But.Firstme. And my website is So please go follow if you’re already aren’t following now. I actually am doing a 30 day self care self love challenge that I’m really excited about. It’s going to start [on] the twenty seventh of January, which is my half birthday. So yeah. So go join, go like. Go check out my products.

[00:36:13.785] – TAMAR:
So let me ask you because I think this will actually go live a little beyond that.

[00:36:19.485] – Nirvana Rain:
It’s all good. It’s all good.

[00:36:21.195] – TAMAR:
It’s OK to have them join a little later? [February 2nd]

[00:36:23.985] – Nirvana Rain:
It’s totally fine. All right. Totally fine. Totally fine. Update: she started it on February 1st instead!! Still time to join!

[00:36:30.195] – TAMAR:
Cool. Awesome. So yeah. And then people can learn about it and then follow your stuff and join this challenge or future challenge.

[00:36:37.665] – Nirvana Rain:
Absolutely. Absolutely. So thank you so much for having me. It’s such a pleasure. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:36:44.565] – TAMAR:
Thank you so much for sharing and just talking about your journey. I think it’s so important, like I said, very profound. It’s a message that we all need to hear. Much success to you, and I can’t wait to see what happens.

[00:36:58.245] – Nirvana Rain:
Thank you so much.

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