0
0
Subtotal: $0.00

No products in the cart.

0
0
Subtotal: $0.00

No products in the cart.

Moving past the pain of her youth to empower other youth

Beverly Faye
Subscribe to The Common Scents Podcast
Love the Podcast?

She grew up with domestic violence and then ended up working with children in similar situations. She has risen, exercised her way out of depression, and continues to help empower young adults. Meet Beverly Faye.

TAMAR: Hi everybody, it is Tamar and today I am sitting with Beverly Faye. She hails all the way from Arizona, and she’s currently meeting with me from her car. She’s very lucky because if I was sitting in my car, it would be 16 degrees and I don’t think I would be podcasting at this time. So anyway, I want Beverly to share her story. She has an interesting career trajectory story and a rising above the ashes story. And of course, there is some self-care too. So, Beverly, tell me a little bit about yourself.  A little more about where you are, how you got there. And yeah, go ahead.

00:57

BEVERLY FAYE: All right, thank you. Well, my name is Beverly. I am in Arizona right now. I’m actually in the parking lot at Arizona State University where I work. This is literally my dream job. I love working here but I’ve done a lot of different things before I got here. I was telling you earlier that I came here to this campus one time with my grandma back when I was young. And she let me pick out us ASU sweatshirt at the bookstore. And for some reason, I thought to myself back then this is where I’m meant to be. And it has taken me a long time to get here. I am 42 years old, 41 years old. Oh, I added a year there. And I’m finally here at Arizona State and I am a career and industry specialist where I actually help students and alumni in their career transitions and for your exploration process, which is amazing to me. I love it.

01:54

TAMAR: Yeah, but you didn’t really start with doing that. I guess you would consider it a childhood dream turn adult reality. But there were definitely significant gaps that were unexpected and unanticipated.

BEVERLY FAYE: Oh, yeah.

TAMAR: A little bit about that.

02:11

BEVERLY FAYE: Yeah. Well, when I was very young, like first started out working, I was in retail. I was working at a gas station and sporting goods store. I had my son when I was just 17 years old. So that made it very challenging as far as finding jobs and daycare and things like that. I also lived in a very small town in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan when I had him. So, when he was three, I moved down to Arizona the first time and I actually got a job in manufacturing. I actually worked in the parts department at Honeywell, and I counted parts all day and worked my way up from that position all the way up into an executive assistant. Over the span of seven years, I worked in different manufacturing companies Honeywell and Suntron in the executive administrative role. And I really felt at that time in my life like I was going to go to school and get a job in supply chain management or business marketing, something like that. So, lots of life changes. Later, I ended up actually getting a divorce and moving back to Michigan. So, I had my son in Michigan. I moved to Arizona when he was three. I lived there for seven years. I loved living in Arizona, but just because of the divorce situation and needing some more support, I moved back to Michigan. I ended up getting back together with an ex-boyfriend, who’s now my husband. And the only job I could get up there with no college degree was being a receptionist at the United Way. And I did that for five years. And through that experience, I got to meet an amazing Social Work intern who was telling me all about the Social Work program and what their values are. And I just kind of fell in love with the idea of it. I ended up going to get my bachelor’s degree in Social Work. And the whole time I was doing that I didn’t really know what I was going to do with it. There’s like a really broad range of things you can do with a social work degree. I ended up working in child welfare, which was the one thing I said I was never going to do. Because child welfare is too soft. I’m too soft. Yeah, I wasn’t sleeping. I don’t think I slept for a year and a half when I did that job. Broke into human resources at the State of Michigan, which ended up being an amazing experience. I did HR there and when life changed again and my grandma down here in Arizona, it was to the point where she really was going to need some extra support or probably have to go into a nursing home and I just didn’t want that for her. So, I told at that time my boyfriend, we’d been dating for 10 years, I told him that I was going to Arizona and I would come by myself. But I would really love it if he came with me. So, we moved down here, and I was doing human resources for the state of Arizona in a couple of different capacities. And I was helping my grandma every evening. I would go over there at bedtime, I’d make sure she was all set, I’d get the plan for the day. My uncle lives with her but he has a traumatic brain injury. He is not very good at planning things and remembering things and not very self-directed. He’s physically capable of stuff, but he needs a director, I guess you could call it. So, I was going over there every evening. I was working all day and then just go into grandma’s at night. But then she broke her collarbone in July. And I was in the hospital with her waiting to get her X ray results back. And I saw this job posting pop up for this career and industry specialist at the west campus where like I said is less than a mile from her house. And I put in for it. And I got it. And it was just one of those. Everything clicked into place. It was meant to be kind of things. So now I go there morning, on my lunch break. And in the evening, grandma’s well taken care of. And I’m doing a job I love and it was a very long path to get here. But this is definitely where I was meant to be. I can feel it.

06:16

TAMAR: Very cool. Very cool. So, before I ask you the next question, I’m just curious, do you run over there? Do you drive over there? Because you’re close?

06:25

BEVERLY FAYE: I am close. I do drive just because of the time constraints. If I walked it would probably because it is about one mile. So, it would take me 15 to 20 minutes, and I only have an hour lunch break.

06:37

TAMAR: Yeah, I figured as much the challenge, the same time you’re a runner. So yeah, for me, I’m just trying to pick up on running and everything that’s within a mile or even two miles at times, when I’m not constrained by time. I make sure to optimize using my legs because otherwise, I also want to get my steps in for the day. Right?

06:59

BEVERLY FAYE: That’s a great idea. Yeah.

07:02

TAMAR: So, you talked about how you didn’t want to be involved in child welfare. And you do have a story about rising above the ashes. So, tell me a little bit about where that came from? Because I assume that it did have to do with your upbringing and not necessarily in the best state for you.

07:23

BEVERLY FAYE: Yeah. So, I actually just had this conversation with a social work student, that if you don’t have your trauma, I don’t know how to say it, how if you haven’t dealt with that, and I’ve thought that I had dealt with trauma, trust me, I have done a lot of work on it. But I grew up both of my parents are addicts. And I would say that my mom has some mental health issues on top of that, and they were violent with each other. So, there’s a lot of trauma that comes from that. I actually was formally diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder, from my childhood experiences. Because I was the oldest, it was me and my little brother, and I often was making sure that he was okay. And nobody was making sure I was okay. I did go through a couple bouts of counseling; I would say in my late teens. And again, in my mid-20s, I’ve done a lot of spiritual work.  I’ve thought that I had pretty much dealt with the situations I had been in. But in some cases, doing child welfare, I’m reading these case files, and I’m hearing the stories of these children. And honestly, I’m thinking to myself, while I’m doing this, that I lived in worse circumstances than these children that the state have now deemed as unsafe. But I don’t think I would have wanted to be pulled away from my family. My grandma was my savior. She is who I would run to, the neighbors to call when things got out of hand. She would come and save us and we would stay at her house for some time up to a week or two until things calm down and that relationship I had with her had been removed and things like that. And so, it brings up these weird feelings of guilt where you’re doing the right thing for this child because no circumstance should have been raised the way that I was. I should not have been subjected to the things that I’ve been through. And so even though you’re doing the right thing, you are also adding a layer of trauma to those children, and there’s no way around it. There just isn’t because studies show over and over again that the best circumstance for a child is to live safely with their family and sometimes that’s just not always possible. And so that’s where I was not prepared. I don’t think there’s anything that can really prepare you education wise for that level of emotional involvement in a job situation. And so, if I burnt me right out, it did not take long. So, if that’s the kind of work that you’re interested in, and that we need them, the world needs people to be interested in and good at those kinds of jobs. But make sure that you have dealt with your stuff. Because I thought I had and I clearly had not.

10:28

TAMAR: Yeah. So, when you think about it, though, you did have a rock. You had your grandmother, who is basically somebody who you were able to depend on. And looking back, you potentially could have seen yourself in these children into some degree. But your situation, as you said, was worse. But you always had, there was something that kind of  what kept you grounded? And looking at that, with the children, especially when they’re going to look back at it, 20 years, I think they’re going to see that. I mean, the alternative could have been worse and in position that you’re in, it’s definitely rewarding. But it’s tremendously challenging if you’re seeing yourself in these children to some degree. There’s definitely that feeling of I can’t do it. But I think at the end of the day, when they do reflect back, they’ll know that there was somebody who was really watching out for them. And maybe, in your case, your grandmother was that person. But in these children’s cases, you’re that person. So, yeah, it’s scary but at the same time, it’s got to be rewarding.

11:43

BEVERLY FAYE: Yeah. And like I said, logically, it’s the right thing to do. It just hurts in other ways. And I think another expectation, and maybe another common misconception about parents who have their children removed is when I’m gearing up and mentally preparing to accept this job that I have learned a little bit about, but not even scratched the surface of. In my mind, I would be protecting children from these terrible, horrible people. But they’re not terrible, horrible people at all. They are people who have lived through their own tragic circumstances, who have never learned how to care for themselves, let alone a child who suffer from addiction. Some of the people I love the most in this world suffer from addiction. So, when you’re going into it, and from maybe the outside looking in, when you look at people who are doing child welfare, you’re like saving the world from these terrible people who are physically beating their children or sexually molesting their children. So, in some very rare cases, but I would say, of all of the cases I worked, one of them was that case where you felt like, “Man, these are truly just bad people.” And the rest of them were addicts, or in some cases, honestly, they didn’t have the mental capacity it took to take care of a child. So, you’re not protecting children from these terrible, horrible, scary people. You’re protecting them from people who love them, but just don’t have the capacity to care for them the way they should be cared for.

13:21

TAMAR: Right. And they’re just battling their demons and the challenge is battling their demons while also raising the child. Sometimes and sadly the children are sometimes left by the wayside for lack of better term. One of my close friends’ child was in amber alert. I guess there was an amber alert out for  the child because the addict parents took the child and left the grandmother who had custody. She was left without both her children and the grandchild. And I mean, we thought everything was fine after the child was returned to spend time in jail. And just a few months later, after he got out, he died of an overdose. So, it’s a challenge because he loved his child so much. But it’s a demon. You just can’t necessarily exorcise like the exorcist. Like get it out? It’s how do you force that? Once you’re there requires a tremendous amount of willpower, willpower and willpower that people don’t necessarily have. They can’t overcome that. So, it’s got to be tough. Definitely.

BEVERLY FAYE: Yeah.

TAMAR: I definitely have seen all walks of life everywhere, everywhere you are. So, it’s a struggle. So, tell me, besides the fact that you’re here and you’re in a position where you’re working with, I guess, young adults now and you’re helping them find their futures, how did you rise above the ashes?

15:12

BEVERLY FAYE: Well, I would say if the ashes are my childhood, I did a lot of work. I went to counseling, and that was the very start of it. I’ll never forget my very first counselor when I was I think 15 or 16. He taught me about gratitude and gave me a simple task between every appointment. I had to literally write down three good things that happened that day. And if it was the worst day ever, I still had to find three good things. And it could be that I got to have a cheeseburger for lunch and cheeseburgers are my favorite. Something that simple. But every night, before I went to bed, I would have to list these three good things that happened to me. And I would say that that really was the turning point in my journey and life-long struggle to become a positive person. Because when I was a teenager and in my early 20s, I felt like I will expect the worst from everybody. And if I get anything better than the worst, that’s a bonus. And if you just expect people to treat you terribly, then it doesn’t hurt as much when they do, which is a lie. Anyway, it doesn’t work that way. It always hurts. So, she got me going. And I then did that classic thing that people do, and I married someone who didn’t treat me very well. He wasn’t downright physically abusive to me. He shoved me a couple times, but I wouldn’t call it domestic violence situation. But mentally he took a toll on me. He would build me up and then tear me down. And it was like a cycle. You had some anger issues and he just wasn’t very kind all the time. So, I did that classic thing. And so, then I had to kind of get over that as well. And that I think turned to spirituality. And I’m not a religious person. I wouldn’t say that I don’t believe in God, I wouldn’t go that far. I would just say I’m not in organized religion kind of person. But I believe I’ve got some powerful guardian angels out there. And I did a lot of work, I would say, probably some meditation type of work, some just healing. Just forgiving,  learning what forgiveness was; that was a huge step, when I learned that you can forgive somebody without justifying their behavior or saying what they did was right to you, you can let that go. You can not all that hurt and anger go by forgiving someone and doesn’t mean that you’re like, hey, it’s cool. You know that you beat my mom nearly to death in front of us on a regular basis. I’m okay with that. Now, it’s like, I don’t have to hold on to this hate and this anger anymore. So, that was a big step. And that took actually my dad getting into a bad car accident and almost dying. Because I felt at that moment so scared that he was going to go and I was going to I was going to have this anger left behind because I never got to resolve that. So, I literally think it was when the internet was pretty new. And I googled, how do you forgive someone. As crazy as that sounds, I’ll never forget that day. I was like, wow, I can really just let it go. It’s that easy. I don’t have to accept that what he did was right to me. So, it has been a very long journey. It happened again; I would say when I got diagnosed with Crohn’s disease. It’s a very painful and ugly disease. It put me through the wringer. I literally thought that I was going to die at one point in I would say 2015, I was down to like 120 pounds, which is not me on the solid 150 when I’m at my best and so that took work again. I think it’s a constant work in progress. It’s constantly checking in with yourself and saying, “Hey, I have a choice here. I can be bitter about this, I can be angry about it, or I can choose to figure out how to move forward and to be the best person I can be. And I want to choose to be happy and choose to be positive and look for the positive in the situation. But I won’t say that. I don’t feel like I’ve ever completely risen above these circumstances because life will turn into just like a roller coaster. I just got pregnant in October and had my third miscarriage. And if there’s anything in this life that I could say, when I look back at my life through the traumatic childhood, through the chronic illness, through everything I’ve been through, “Man, I wanted those babies, I wanted them so bad  and I thought I was over that”. And then we were going to foster but I decided to take care of my grandma instead. And that was a choice that my husband and I made together. It meant that he would never have children of his own. He considered my son his son, but we were never going to have children together. The two of us made that choice, and we did it, and I had put that all to rest. And then the universe is like, “Ha,ha, here’s this thing that you thought you were over wanting. And I’m going to give it to you and take it away again.” So, I would say I was in a little bit of a slump until very recently because of that experience as well. But like I said, I can choose. I can choose to dwell on what I don’t have or I can choose to dwell on the fact I have one amazing son. He’s promised to take care of me when I’m old. So, I’m very lucky in that way.

21:05

TAMAR: I’m sure he watches the way you take care of your grandmother. So, he’s learning from the best.

21:11

BEVERLY FAYE: Well, thank you.

21:13

TAMAR: Yeah. So, you know what you say? I’m in the middle of reading The Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck. Yeah, so I’m reading that by Mark Manson. The subtitle is A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. And now I’m in the middle of it right now. But a lot of rising above the ashes is basically using the pain you need, the pain you’re going through. It helps you grow. If people didn’t have pain, they wouldn’t be growing in the way that they are. And I think that all this is definitely contributing to yours and you might not see it. But I do get a gauge from this conversation. There’s a lot of resilience, a lot of strength. It’s hard. I mean, there’s the pain; pain is pain. And never, no one ever wants to deal with the pain. But I think there was a lot of blossoming that really comes from the worst and those dark parts in your life. So yeah, I think it’s an interesting book. I’m still trying to get around it because reading that, at the same time lay, like the other side of the trajectory, if it’s not really the other side, the other side of the spectrum.

22:29

BEVERLY FAYE: I need to read that. I’ve heard good things about it. So, I put it on my list. Right now, I’m reading his professional journal articles and textbooks, though.

22:39

TAMAR: I try to do that. Sometimes I do read. It’s funny. I hover between the self-improvement books, and then business books, never business textbooks because I’m not really in that world anymore. But all these things, just whatever they can do to contribute somehow to my personal happiness, or my sense of being able to overcome some of the struggles that I’ve endured. We all enter struggles and you were there talking about the children and your childhood. I think everybody can benefit from reading this and seeing that there is a way to move forward. And the funny quote, “No pain, no gain” is really true but it’s in so many different elements of our lives.

23:32

BEVERLY FAYE: Exactly. I think it would be so easy to be this positive, happy, go lucky person if you never had to overcome any adversity. So, it’s choosing to be happy and to live a positive life and to not curl up into a ball and live under a blanket for the rest of my days. It’s not only is it a good choice because you get to continue living your life, but it almost feels sometimes like, “Man, I’m a warrior, I’m tough”. I think that some of the things I’ve been through, people don’t make it through to the other side. They wouldn’t be telling a story like this because they’re still in the thick of it. And I had to push my way through that. And not settle in. It’s hard not to settle in. Sometimes anxiety is high, it’s so heavy. But that’s where the running I think, how the last five or six years of my life has been so good because I don’t take pills for my anxiety. I go for a run or I go for a hard workout at the gym. I used to take the pills and I don’t knock people who need them. I have been there and I understand it. But I’ve been so blessed that my body has found this outlet through running to let me ease off the medication and into just being able to maintain on my own.

25:07

TAMAR: Right. Yeah, that actually goes into my last section of the podcast, your self-care regimen. So, you talked about how, when you were going to counseling that she had you write three things that you are grateful for before bedtime. Do you still work on that gratitude?

25:24

BEVERLY FAYE: I don’t think I do it as purposefully as I used to. But when I catch myself in a negative spiral, and this just happened, like I said, because of the recent miscarriage, not only the miscarriage. I’m not trying to amplify my story, but from June until January, actually end of November, this year, I lost a nephew to suicide. I lost my third baby. And then my favorite uncle died very rapidly of liver cancer. All of those things happened in a five-month period. In addition to that, I’m working on my master’s degree. So, my grandma broke her collarbone, which meant my uncle couldn’t physically do the things that he was doing for her anymore. So, all of that care fell to me. So, starting in the mornings and the lunchtime routine, and while also starting a new job. So, I am not kidding you, I was on the verge because on the cherry top of all that is the holidays, which is just an extra layer. I think as beautiful as the holidays are, it’s a lot of work. And it’s a time commitment. So, I was really frazzled. And I literally caught myself in the stinking thinking cycle, right after the holidays about always having to do the next thing. What’s the next task? What’s the next task and I was getting bitter? I was thinking, I didn’t sign up for this. I can’t do this. And then I have not stopped and said out loud, recently how lucky I am that I get to see my grandma every day. Are you kidding me? Do you know how many people out there in the world would just love to have one more conversation with her grandma? I get to see her every day. Yeah, I’m stressed out because I’m getting my master’s degree. I’m getting my master’s degree from one of the best universities in the world at a ridiculously discounted price because I also have the privilege of working at this amazing place. So yes, it was like a light bulb. I have not been grateful for anything. In the last month, I have not been grateful. So, it’s time to start. And so, in the mornings, now I park my car in the spot. I’m actually talking to you and I watch the sunrise through those trees. And I am intentionally grateful for these things that I’ve done. And I think, honestly, that’s why the last two or three weeks I’ve felt I’m pulling myself out. And it’s through intentional gratitude. Yeah, it works. I’m busy, everybody’s busy. I should be grateful that I’m this kind of busy.

28:24

Yeah, that’s something that I’ve been trying to do. I have a friend on Facebook, who every single day would ask the same question, what are you grateful for? What are you grateful for? What are you grateful for? And honestly, I have to say, it’s kind of monotonous. And I didn’t want to think about it like, “Okay. Does he really care?” I don’t even know. But at the same time, it’s not even about the fact that I would necessarily respond to him. And by the way, I never did. But I think it’s about being able to internalize the question and use that as a stepping stone into your own thought process. Even with the struggles you have, especially with the struggles, you have to realize that there are definitely blessings that are there, maybe not so subtle. Not necessarily pronounced, but stuff that you should be appreciating. I mean it could go up or down, but in most cases, it’s usually just going to go up.

29:34

TAMAR: Yeah. So, tell me a little bit more about your self-care routine. You kind of talked about your fitness focus, so give me a little more insight into that.

29:44

BEVERLY FAYE: Yeah, so actually, I was not a runner. I tried running a couple different times in my life. More just trying to lose weight. I actually used to be pretty heavy. I think at my heaviest I was at about 190 pounds. And I mentioned earlier at 150, like 145, I’m great. I’m a size eight, I’m more muscle. I feel good about myself, I feel strong. So, running, I literally started as part of this boot camp thing. So, you start the boot camp, everybody runs a mile. And then you take the class and then everybody runs a mile at the end with the goal to see how much you improved. It was when those Skechers Toning Walk shoes just came out with the big fat soles that are supposed to shape your butt while you walked in. I got a brand-new pair of them. And I wore them to boot camp class where I had to run a mile for the first time since probably eighth grade. And I had so much regret. Oh, but I tried. I wanted to be able to run the mile at the end of the class. And I literally had to start from my house to the neighbor’s mailbox and then walk and then to the neighbor’s mailbox, just like that, like tiny baby steps. And I gave up on it because it was hard. And I never got good at it. And I couldn’t get to the end of the street. And then fast forward a few years at the state of Michigan, I had the privilege to share an office with one of the most amazing people I know. And she was a runner. And I remember saying, if you ever see me running, you better run too, because the only thing that’s going to get me to run is if something real bad is behind me. Because that’s terrible. I can’t believe you do this for fun. Anyway, I had a couple drinks with her at a Declare it Day event through Fellow Flowers, which is like an online learning community. And I declared to run a 5K and that was basically the beginning of the end. I run well; I was just trained for the  Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon which was this weekend. My friend that I just referenced who I shared an office with flew down here from Michigan to run it with me. And so that looks like me sticking to a training plan running a couple of short runs during the week and a long run on the weekend. But because of the way that my spirit was a little bit crushed here the last few months I didn’t do my strength training and it showed the half did not physically go as well as I wanted it. My knee kind of gave out on me and so I needed to get back into the gym. So, when I’m on it and I’m really taking care of myself, I’m going to the gym two or three days a week and I’m running two or three days a week. I usually do 30 minutes of intentional movement. That was my goal last year and I pretty much stuck with it. So, six days a week at least 30 minutes of intentional movement of three dogs that I walked to the park. My husband and I usually take them out together because three dogs are a lot. They’re big. So as far as other self-care goes, I’m not going to lie, love a little bit of shopping here and there but it’s really the strength workouts and the running now when I feel myself getting really stressed. Like I said, that’s my go to. Some people think “Oh man, I need a drink.” I think “Oh my gosh, I need a good run”.

33:19

TAMAR: Yeah, I don’t drink either. So, I totally just like to get outside. I got to make something happen. I got to get some fresh air here.

33:27

BEVERLY FAYE: Yeah, absolutely.

33:29

TAMAR: Yeah. So, you said the first time when you ran your mile you regretted it, I’m just curious. Was it because of the toning your butt through the Skechers shoes or was it the short running and making it happen?

33:45

BEVERLY FAYE: It was mostly a lot because like I said, I was very heavy. I was a heaviest I’d ever been. I was at a boot camp class put on through the local college with a bunch of very fit, very beautiful young girls and I was about 35 years old. Overweight, never had run and the mile was around a track and everybody was done. Everybody was done like all the way done and I still had two or three laps to go, and in an attempt to be encouraging the beautiful young girls were running like walking along with me as I was trying not to throw up in. My legs were on fire from these stupid shoes and they were like, “You can do this, come on.” I just I knew now because I do the same thing to my friends. You just want to encourage them that they can do it. You just got to push through the sucky parts and it’s going to get better. But at that time, I was just mortified. I was so embarrassed. Yeah, I think it took me like 15 or 16 minutes to do that mile and that was at my maximum effort.

34:56

TAMAR: So, I will tell you that when I started my first 5K, I was doing C25K training, Couch to 5K training with my treadmill. And not really knowing what the ideal initial paces. I was basically like, let me walk 2.5 miles per hour and let me run at 30 miles an hour. If you have no idea, what three miles an hour, it’s basically our casual walking pace. But I didn’t know that. So, I’m sitting there making my butt move like a runner at three miles an hour on the treadmill. So, the treadmill was pushing me to do it. Yeah. And so, I did my first 5K last March. And it was a small race. There were only 118 participants. And I was so proud of myself. I was like, “Oh, I trained for this. And I talked it up. But I talked it up with like, caution. I was like, I’m new to this. I don’t really know what to do. But I trained for it.” So, you think that would benefit me. But my training for it was clearly at the wrong pace. So, I startd running. And I’m so proud of myself because I was nine minutes better than my 54 minutes 5K, still 45 minutes. And I came in 113 out of 118 participants. The person right behind me was 89 years old. I really struggle just to move past him. So yeah, I mean, it’s not easy when you first start in, especially when you really don’t have the right baseline.

36:32

BEVERLY FAE: Yeah, I quit that time. It wasn’t until that’s another thing too. I think like when you’re talking about self-care, I have amazing friends. So, I’m the kind of person that if I tell somebody I’m going to do something, I want to do it.  I don’t want to let them down. And so, me telling my friend and writing down on a piece of paper that I was going to do it. Well, now I’m doing it.  So that helps if you need to. I’m lucky I have accountability buddies to do stuff with. So that helps but good for you for getting out there. And you train by yourself on a treadmill. That’s dedication right there.

TAMAR: Yes

BEVERLY FAYE: I find it hard to be motivated, like if I don’t go outside and I don’t have somebody I’m doing it with. I don’t run with somebody all the time. But it sure makes me more accountable to have somebody that like, “Hey, we’re going to meet at this time, and we’re going to do this thing.” So good for you.

37:32

TAMAR: Yeah, I don’t have the most predictable schedules. So, I was on the treadmill. But after that my first C25K round I ended up going to do C25K, C210K outside for an additional 5K’s and I was able to maintain like a 12-and-a-half-minute pace or so. So, I felt better about that. But I don’t really have anybody that I really go with. And I almost want to be part of the clubs here. But at the same time, the logistical challenges of that with children, young kids; they do their runs at 6:30 in the morning and my husband leaves to work at 6:50 in the morning. And then like three-to-six-mile runs. I’m not even quite at a six mile on yet. I would do my own little 5K, but I would get home in time. So logistically right now it’s really just me, myself and I when the weather permits. Right now, the weather hasn’t really permitted so much. I run when I run and hopefully, I’ll run into a friend. She usually has her Garmin Live Tracker and I try to figure out where she’s going to be at a specific time and then I try to find her on this big, massive road and so far, I’ve been to for two but it’s not that easy. Because it’s really about predictability and try to predict her route and try to predict whether I’ll get there on time. Because she’s literally a mile away, so I have to run a mile out of the way in order to potentially find her.

BEVERLY FAYE: Well, that’s awesome.

TAMAR: Yeah. So, tell me are you running more races now? What’s your plan? Do you have specific goal  because people do sometimes don’t. I don’t just to do it.

39:16

BEVERLY FAYE: Right. So, I’m running another half marathon in one month. So, I signed up for the Rock ‘n’ Roll  because I really want the shoes. I got to tell you, my first half marathon was two years ago and I was flaring my Crohn, the Crohn’s disease. It’s a digestive disease. I was flaring pretty badly. I was between medications and I had six bathroom stops. And five of them were actually in Porta Johns. So, if that tells you anything, I was mortified. And I was scared to do it again. And so, my friends down in Arizona decided they wanted to do a half marathon. And they wanted to do the particular race which I did two years ago, which was a bad experience for me. And so, I didn’t want to do that one. I decided I was going to do a different one and just do it by myself. That was the Rock ‘n’ Roll  I signed up for. So, my friend from Michigan ended up coming down and running with me, which I’m so glad she did. It was such a better experience because she was there. And now I’ll do this one. I don’t know if I’m going to want to do a full. And I’m on the fence about it. Honestly, I have an invite to do a full in Green Bay in May. And I was going to see how the two half’s went. Like I said, the one this weekend didn’t go as well as I had hoped. I’ve had intermittent troubles with my knee, which I had not, had any this training cycle. I was feeling so strong. I felt like I had done everything right, my 11-mile run went beautifully until the last mile and my hips started to hurt. And it was hard, but I did it. So, I felt like I was so prepared and my knee, pretty much went out a mile and a half into this 13-mile thing. But last weekend it was painful the whole time. And that was not what I was hoping for. So, we’ll see after this next half, because I have to do it. Like I said, I told my friends, I would do it with them. It’ll be their first half marathon. And we’ll see how that goes. And depending on how that goes, we’ll see if I decide to do a full or not. But I really do think that training for a half, I’ll probably do that at least once a year for the foreseeable future while my body allows it. Just because I’ve never ever found anything yet that feels so good when you’re done. Not while you’re doing it because while you’re doing it is hard. But when you run that feeling of like I’m going to run 10 miles today. In your head, you’re thinking that’s impossible. People don’t run. Why would you do that to yourself? But when it’s over, it’s amazing. I feel so good. So, I think a half a year for as long as my body will let me and maybe I’ll do a full? Maybe I won’t. I haven’t decided yet. I’m on the fence about it.

42:21

TAMAR: We should keep in touch about that right now. I feel the same way about half’s but I do have a goal in my life on my bucket list to do a full. I just I haven’t even gotten to a 10K. And so, I’m working my way up very slowly. Hopefully it’ll happen.

42:39

BEVERLY FAYE: Yeah, I would love to hear about your 10K.

42:43

TAMAR: Yeah, I’ll keep you posted on that. I have no plans for it yet. But we’ll see. I have one last question I’m going to ask you.

BEVERLY FAYE: Okay.

TAMAR: If you can give your earlier self  one piece of advice, what would you tell her?

42:59

BEVERLY FAYE: I wish that I had realized earlier that you do have a choice on what you focus on. And I’ll live with the most powerful example of that. Because right now, I live in Arizona, and my only son lives in Michigan. And that’s hard. I mean, it’s really hard. And I think that my earlier self would think about that every day. And I would be sad about it every day. And I would think about the everyday things that I miss, like I don’t get to just call them up and go to dinner and things like that. But my today’s self focus on the fact that I raised a son who is independent, smart and strong. And 100% okay, with his most supportive parent living across the country from him. He is honestly okay; he probably has more money in savings right now than I do. He’s a manager, he pays his bills. That’s what I choose to focus on. That as much as I miss him, I raised that son who is an amazing human being. Even though I can’t see him every day, I raised him in a way that he can take care of himself. And I think that as a parent is an ultimate goal. And so, to my earlier self, I would say, “In any situation you can choose what part of it you focus on.” You can focus on the part that hurts. You can focus on the part that sucks and is really hard to get past or you can focus on the good part. So cheesy as it sounds like that silver lining. Focus on that because it’ll make you 100% happier.

44:50

TAMAR: Yeah, I love it. And I’m sure he’s very proud of you and what you’ve been able to do and sacrifice for his growth, his well-being and his growth.

44:58

BEVERLY FAYE: Thank you.

44:59

TAMAR: Yeah, well thank you so much for taking the time. And I really appreciate you coming out and coming into your car and hiding yourself and keeping it quiet out there because it’s louder here than it is there.

45:12

BEVERLY FAYE: Yeah, I didn’t trust my office for this. Someone would definitely have knocked on the door by now.

45:17

TAMAR: Cool. Well, thank you again and keep you posted on the rest.

45:21

BEVERLY FAYE: Okay, that’d be great. Have a great day.

45:23

TAMAR: Yeah. Thank you too.

Join Our Newsletter

Sign up to our newsletter for goodies, stories, and more feel-good content.
TAMAR.